Movember health special: we need to talk about male suicide and prevention

As you’ve probably noticed this month, men are donning a furry upper-lip in support of some of the most serious health issues facing men. Prostate and testicular cancer take centre stage but the one we all sadly refrain from talking about is male suicide and prevention. So let’s start talking.

Male suicide is still a heartbreaking epidemic. Although women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, men are three times more likely to suffer in silence and take their own life. In recent years, men’s mental health awareness has increased, thanks to the Movember movement, and the stigma around depression seems to be easing, but last year, after many years of slow decline, male suicide rates in the UK increased.

There were a total of 6,507 registered suicides in 2018 and of that number, 4,903 of them (around 75%) were male. It’s the same all over the world and has been for decades; men under 45 are the most at risk of suicide, and it continues to be the single biggest killer of men in that age group. So, what’s going on?

Why are men struggling more?

Harkavy-Friedman points out that men and women usually experience the same levels of life stress but the problem is that men find it harder to identify the causes of stress and depression. If they do identify them, they are much more ashamed to admit they are depressed and instead opt to self-medicate (using alcohol and drugs) rather than talk to loved ones or seek professional help.

The research suggests this behaviour comes down to a lack of communication. Of course, the reason someone decides to take their life is very sensitive and complex and there’s no single reason for it. Instead, a combination of internal and external factors play a crucial part.

Studies have shown time and time again that it’s very likely stemmed from allocated gender roles adopted from childhood, mainly rooted in European and American culture. Throughout history, men are encouraged to be ‘strong’ and are discouraged from displaying emotions and feelings as it’s seen as a sign of ‘weakness’.

Unfortunately, this attitude can have detrimental effects on men’s communication skills and ultimately causes men to bury their emotions. Nowadays, it’s improving but expressing emotion as a man is often a gamble.

‘Boys don’t cry’

As young boys, we are told to believe that ‘boys don’t cry’, and too often the phrase ‘man up!’ is shouted around the playground. We unconsciously condition boys from a young age by using these gender-defining phrases, which results in boys growing up learning not to express themselves and not to admit when they are sad. This can lead to bottled up feelings and cause dysfunctional emotion expression.

The Centre for Suicide Prevention in Canada argues that “mothers talk way more to their girl children than their boy children… they share and identify feelings more too”. Parents often, unknowingly, teach girls to identify and express certain feelings, whereas boys are often encouraged to be more active and talk about what they are doing rather than feeling.

But these feelings in men exist and just like women, they have times when they feel vulnerable and overwhelmed with day to day life. Unfortunately, they feel more of a need to hide it when they reach adulthood.

The ‘breadwinner’ and ‘homemaker’ influence

According to a study on suicide by gender, men often take on the role as the ‘breadwinner’ in the home, whereas women grow to fit the role of ‘homemaker’. In other words, men take responsibility for financial provisions and are expected to accomplish greater career goals. Although this has drastically changed over recent years, balancing gender expectations still has a way to go.

According to the same report, men experience more frequent financial stress, however, are much less likely to seek help for these problems. Instead, opting to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. As you may well know, excessive alcohol consumption can deepen depression and increase impulsive behaviours.

Family, work and economic factors

External risk factors also contribute to this increased rate of suicide in men. Reports found that when there’s an economic crisis, resulting in increased unemployment in a country, there tends to be an increase in suicide. One study, conducted in 2015, found that ‘for every 1% increase in unemployment there is a 0.79% increase in the suicide rate’.

There is also growing evidence to suggest that financial difficulty can ‘destabilize the identity of many people and professionals’ and increases individual vulnerability through a complex framework of social and individual changes. If we talk within the context of large businesses, especially in rural communities, bosses and managers, (statistically more often men) see themselves as ‘high contributors to the development of their community’, and when faced with economic crisis, this perceived responsibility of not being able to meet, not only their own family’s needs but the needs of their employees’ families, can lead to devastating outcomes on someone’s psychological well-being.

Greece was a victim of this during the decade-long economic debt crisis, where thousands lost jobs, incomes and pensions were reduced, and taxes were raised. From 2010 to 2015, Greece saw an increase in depression, overcrowding at psychiatric hospitals and a 40% increase in suicides. They had entered a crisis within a crisis.

Dr Sioras, a union leader from Athens said at the time, “as long as there is unemployment, insecurity and debt, the products of the financial crisis, this problem will not go away.”

Ways to help men with depression

Depression in men often gets overlooked, but there are ways in which we, as a community, can change this.

As it’s often the partner or other family members that recognises a man’s symptoms of depression, there are some small adjustments in our behaviour that we can do to help men.

Change our attitudes. Encourage men to open up and talk more, and if a man talks about their feelings, listen, instead of belittling them. Everyone has emotions and everyone should be able to express them.

Be part of the solution, not the problem. Avoid sentences like, ‘why are you acting so emotional?’ or ‘why do you have to be so needy?’ Passing judgment like this will only worsen the problem. Try to find the right words and be more patient.

Offer to accompany him to the doctors. This could seem like a huge step for a man suffering depression, so offering a little accompanying support will give him more confidence to go.

Encourage him to revisit his old hobbies. One symptom of depression is losing interest in hobbies. These hobbies offer people an outlet for escape and personal exploration. It’s also a great distraction from work and stress.

Organise social events or activities. It’s common for us all to retreat to our shell when we are depressed. Encourage social activities with friends or family to boost his mood.

Encourage emotional responses from children. In the long-term, we can all help in this, by teaching boys from a young age to express themselves to change the traditional model of masculinity in society. Express affection, physically and emotionally, and tell them it is ok to cry because after all, it’s a regular human response. These small changes in our behaviour will only have a very positive effect on their life in the future.

The NHS offers some great ways to help someone who is depressed. Read their guide and get familiar with the ways you can support someone.

Tips for men with depression

If you’re a man suffering with depression, there are some small steps you can make to take back control of your overall wellbeing. Although there aren’t any over-night fixes, taking small steps will take you a long way.

Tip 1: Avoid loneliness and get social support

You don’t need stay ‘silent and stong’. Contact a friend with whom you feel safe, a strong connection and can share your feelings without judgment.

Don’t isolate yourself and try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it. Often, when we are depressed we tend to go inwards on ourselves, but being around people can lift your mood.

Tip 2: Don’t bury what you’re ashamed of

Expressing emotions creates some kind of feedback loop, allowing us to live fulfilling and healthy lives. In situations where expressing emotions are frowned upon, we avoid doing it. This feedback loop is then cut off. So, what happens to those emotions? We learn to bury them and sadly, it is socially acceptable to do that.

So, don’t attempt to push your feelings aside. More than likely, they won’t disappear and they’ll only get worse. Sharing your feelings may not seem very ‘macho’, but find someone who will listen and support you. Just the simple act of opening up will help.

Tip 3: Offer support to others

Of course, you need someone to support you but research has shown that providing support to others in times of need can boost your mood and give you a huge sense of purpose. Volunteering is an option or simply just doing something nice for someone is a good start.

Tip 4: Exercise more and eat healthily

Support your physical health as well as your mental health. Exercise has been proven time and time again to reduce anxiety, depression, social withdrawal and negative mood swings. Consider going to the gym regularly, join a sports team or simply just be more active by going for a walk or a run. To get the most benefit, aim for around 30 minutes of exercise per day.

If you find yourself binge-eating junk food, set yourself a new diet goal. Studies have shown a link between fast food and baked goods (pies and pastries) and depression, making those who consume it frequently more likely to be regularly depressed.

There aren’t specific diets to relieve depression, but certain foods should be incorporated into your diet to form part of a general, on-going treatment plan. Find more information here.

Tip 5: Reduce stress

Start to reduce your stress levels. Stress can both prolong and trigger depression. Make a list of all the things that stress you out and work at each one to relieve pressure and recover some control of your life.

Relaxation techniques, like yoga or meditating, can also help make you feel less anxious. If work is making you stressed, consider talking to your boss about your workload or what exactly it is that’s making you feel this way.

Tip 6: Be mindful

Be aware of the present moment. There is a lot of evidence that suggests there are five steps we can all take to improve our mental health and get the most out of life. The NHS provides a simple guide to help those wanting to improve their mental wellbeing.

It suggests to:

• connect to people
• be active
• keep learning
• give to others and be
• mindful of your overall thoughts, feelings and the world around you.

Following these steps can ‘positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges’.

Tip 7: Seek help

If support from friends and family isn’t making the change you’d hoped, then make sure you seek help from a professional. Many people wait a long time until they see a doctor, and sadly, others don’t seek help at all.

The first thing to do is visit your GP if you think you are depressed or having any kind of suicidal thoughts. Your doctor will talk to you through options and will likely refer you to see someone who specialises in treating depression.

Tip 8: Read Rethink’s guide on How to Cope

This guide is full of ideas to help you through a crisis and explains ways in which you can stay safe and where to find support.

Need help now?

If you are depressed and/or having suicidal thoughts, it is important to tell someone. Help and support is available right now if you need it.

Samaritans

Call 116 123 – open 24 hours a day

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a leading movement against suicide for men

Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5 pm to midnight every day

Wechat also available here

Childline for children or young adults under 19.

Call 0800 1111

If you need to find a suicide helpline in another country visit Befrienders Worldwide.

To know more and take part in the Movember movement, go to their website where you can also donate and read real-life stories of men overcoming their depression.