I’m being bullied at work, what can I do about it?
Written by:Being bullied at work can have a devastating impact on your emotional health, making the act of going to and being at work very distressing. It can also lead to ill-health, both mentally and physically.
Throughout your working day, bullying can arise in various forms. In this article Dr Nicky Kimber-Rogal, a chartered psychologist and psychotherapist, talks us through the different types, and what you should do if you find yourself to be a victim of workplace bullying.
What is bullying?
Bullying is an abuse of power, whether it be at work or anywhere else. Although the term ‘bully’ was historically defined as a ‘mate’, unfortunately, it is now defined as ‘a person who uses strength or power to coerce or intimidate weaker persons’ (OED).
What are the different types of bullying?
Bullying can be overt or covert - meaning that it can be obvious for others to see, or more subversive, strategic or underhand. Examples of bullying in the workplace can include, but are not limited to, the following:
- You colleague spreading a rumour about you
- Your colleague repeatedly putting you down during team meetings
- Your boss repeatedly giving you more work than everyone else
- Your team never inviting you to social activities or events outside of work
- Your boss is refusing to let you go on training courses but allowing everyone else to
Bullying can occur regularly or also be a one-off incident; it can happen face-to-face, online while you are working remotely or over the phone. Bullying can also take place both in and out of the office environment such as at social or work events.
Who gets bullied at work and who does the bullying?
Some people will argue that to be bullied, there must be an element of weakness in the victim, and that somehow the victim is susceptible to the bully. There can be some truth in this; for example, a person who has always been a people-pleaser and has overly-relied on others for approval may be easier to bully. This ‘victim’ can be easy prey to the bully, who themselves may have a psychological history which lends itself to a misuse of power - often because they been bullied themselves. The bully, therefore, tends to know both roles: that of the victim and the bully and they can use this consciously or unconsciously.
Sometimes people bully others simply because they can; they are not even aware of it nor the effect of their actions on others. The bully is often lonely and weak in his position. Psychological theory suggests that the bully has a very vulnerable inner self which is low in confidence. But the bully is seldom ‘called out’ nor challenged by those who fear them. This leads to further victim-bully cycles and negative and non-productive interpersonal interactions.
However, and regardless of psychological history, a person can simply be a victim of bullying. This can often be found in narcissistic relationships where the narcissist has no empathy nor insight into their own feelings, let alone the feelings of others, and can easily manipulate others.
What should I do if I feel like I am being bullied at work?
Take appropriate steps to be heard and recognised – to be legitimised:
- Talk to a trusted colleague, which can be face-to-face, over the phone, through emails, etc.
- Read the legislation on your company’s specific fair treatment of staff policy
- Go to HR, the occupational health department or your manager (if appropriate)
- You cannot work effectively nor explore when you are fearful of a bully
How can a psychologist help me?
A psychologist can help in many ways. Firstly, speaking in trust to someone about the situation can be very freeing and aid clarification. Secondly, the victim can look at their own history and what they can do to put in place boundaries and take back their own power. You can establish how to be assertive (how to say yes and how to say no) and what the consequences of this will be.
A psychologist can also help the individual to recognise their own value system and whether this is adhered to in the workplace. If your values are not in sync with those of the workplace, you will feel uncomfortable. You may need to examine whether your personal beliefs are matched with that of the organisational ethos. A psychologist can also help strengthen your self-esteem in order to make practical changes at work.
If you are being bullied and feel like seeing a psychologist would help you, go to Dr Kimber-Rogal’s Top Doctors profile and make an appointment to see her.
